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01/22/01
I guess just like everything else, times marchs on, and everything changes sooner or later..... Goodbye Lucifer, thanks for the thousands of hits. I replaced the pop up window on the front page with a link to Seabass for the time being. "See Bastard's" site would have to be my favorite right now right behind my all time favorite Mayhem. If you've never checked either of them out now would be a good time to stop by and see what they're all about. I've been very good since last week, you know, since I almost died or whatever. But after being in pain the last 5 days I said fuck it tonight and I'm having a few beers. I'm sure what almost killed me was the massive amount of cheap ass Vodka I drank over the few weeks right before I broke down. I explained to the doctor all this and I don't think he really believed me when I told him how much I was drinking. But he was "sure that's not it". I guess unless you're slinging shit at people and talking about jesus on some street corner people don't believe you're some sort of a drunk. I could be wrong about what brought everything on, I mean I'm still in pain, and they told me I was in perfect health. Who knows? The only reason I'm bring this up is I do really understand now, after my illness, and seeing some freinds lose people close to them recently, that yes, I'm going to die one day. We're all just flesh and blood, some unexplainable eating and drinking machines that's time will pass long before we're done enjoying whatever it is we enjoy doing. I watched several older people in the ER during my 10 hour stay, they were too weak to even give their name, some were there all by themselves, brought in by ambulances, and some more than likely died soon after all alone in the world. All the while TV's blasted and people moved about taking care of their own petty tasks that were only important to themselves while others breathed their last. Do you understand this; You're going to die too one day.
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We've all encountered them countless times: the idiot who blocks your way by driving the wrong way down a one-way street and expects you to back up to let him through; the numb nut sitting behind you in a movie theatre who insists on incessantly jiggling his pocket change as he kicks the back of your seat; the dipshit at the book store or library who whistles to himself as if he had fucking bird seed for lunch; the asswad in a mall parking lot who stands in a parking space "saving" it for his/her buddy, who is four aisles away while you're right fucking there trying to park your car; the moron in line at the post office who surreptitiously attempts to get in front of you; the imbecile parked next to you who hits your car door with his and acts like it didn't happen; the human brood-mare who insists on bringing all seven of her little hellions to the supermarket with her; the turd burglar who lights up a cigarette while pumping gas at the pump next to you; the list goes on and on.
Many of us are dismayed by the proliferation of these mental midgets. Not me. They actually are the ones who bring meaning to my miserable life. Abusing and humiliating them because of their utter stupidity is what I live for these days. Nothing brings me more pleasure than seeing the expression of shock and fear on their faces as I illustrate to them the error of their ways. I do this through no altruistic motivation, only because it amuses me. The only thing that pleases me more is reading accounts such as the following, which reaffirm the fact that, although somewhat impeded, natural selection will not be denied:
A 22-year-old man died of massive head injuries after jumping reflexively out of an open convertible to avoid a cigarette butt flicked by the driver (Virginia Beach, VA, October 2000).
A 29-year-old woman was fatally run over by a street-sweeping machine (Washington, DC, September 2000).
A 30-year-old soccer fan who put his head through the skylight of a bus carrying supporters home was decapitated when the bus passed under a bridge (Copenhagen, Denmark, August 2000).
Incidents like these comfort me with the realization that, no matter what, you really can't beat Mother Nature. So while I'm here on this fucking mud ball I will do my part by continuing to entertain myself at the expense of the PC crowd. I owe it to myself.
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01/20/01
LeafaRae sent me this link today along with the note, "This might keep you busy for a while". Oh yeah! I didn't go through every link yet, but the hour I spent there was very cool. All you people out there (like me) that have done way too much acid who are "permanently morphing" will like this, even if it's just for a short trip. Whenever I see shit like this on the net, I'm almost glad I grew up without all this trippy shit. I wouldn't leave the house on acid if I was 16 today. The sad part is you'd lose the interaction with different people and situations. Nothing truly opens yourself up more than tripping with good friends. I can remember putting a candle under a glass coffee table and moving blue Kool Aid around on it with a straw to produce simular types of trippy shit on the ceiling.
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I don't know about all that, but let me ask you a question..... Would pay $25.00 for this T-Shirt? (Click the shirt to see the pic) If enough people email me requesting one, I'll go ahead and make it happen, after the money orders arrive. They could be cheaper if a lot of people want one. You guys decide, and let me know. I checked out the online shop like sp00ned is offering and the pic comes out way too small, plus you can't add text. I wasn't impressed. Honestly, I really don't want to get into selling shit here, but a few of you have asked, so have at it. (I'll be back later)
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01/19/01
I took off yesterday and went to another doctor after receiving at least 35 emails from loyal readers who demanded that I go. I showed up at a walk in type clinic, and the doctor there completely freaked the fuck out. After about 5 minutes of poking and shit this dude lost it! "Go to the ER, go right now! You could very well die right here in my office if you don't go...." You know what this made me do right? Yup, I freaked the fuck out too. I still don't understand what the hell happened in there myself, but I came back home trying to calm down and figure out what the I was going to do..... After about an hour I headed for the ER. The ER, like in any city was a fucking mad house. People were piled up all over the place. I looked at the chick sitting at the registration desk, "Yes, how can I help you?" I told her what the clown told me, that I was about to die. It didn't take long before I bypassed all the riff raff in the waiting area and was talking to the doctor. Blood tests, P tests, poop tests, x-rays, CAT scan, you name it, they performed it on my ass. Results? They have no clue what's wrong with me. As far as they can tell I'm perfectly healthy. Yet I'm in fucking pain. I'm starting to think it's from lack of sex? Not enough drugs in my diet? Whatever, I can hack it.
Cheers!
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01/17/01
We all get into zones. Sometimes we pull the shades and stay inside for
days. Other people can be found in closets or under tables. The most common
zoning happens when your actually supposed to be doing something else.
Moments at work, school or when your generally supposed to be paying
attention to those around you. Times when you're really not thinking of
anything in particular, and you just don't want to be bothered, or when
you're actually pondering something of importance to you. You get
comfortable, the edges of eXistence get blurry and you look inside yourself...
And then, it HAPPENS! That jackass who leans over. That moron who is
oblivious to others being oblivious to them. The assfuck who nudges you,
taps you, pokes you and pretty much snaps you from whatever reverie you had
going. What is WRONG with people? Unless it's a truly loathsome human
being, seeing someone gazing off into space, or with their head in their arms
or with an otherwise more-serious-than-normal look on their face will be a
sign for me to leave them alone. But common sense seems to be lacking
overall.
Some people are just walking STD's. They keep coing back. You can turn
away from them or feign interest in the floor panels, but they return, again
and again. You can never reply to a word they say, and they take that as an
invitation to keep filling the air around your head with pointless nonsense
and stealing precious time from your lifespan. You can leave them with their
mouths half open, bloated tongues eschew, and they'll be happy to see you the
next time you appear. These people are known as retarded yo-yo's. Like I
said, they keep coming back.
I'm learning that sometimes, "Make sure your stories have a point. That way,
they're more interesting for the listener." can bring any chatterbrained
mouth breather to a screeching halt. But I know I can get nastier than that.
I just have to find the yo-yo that pushes me right over the edge.
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I hate going to the doctor. I've only been to see a doctor about 5 times since I was around 17. (I'm 30 right now) It isn't fear of needles or any shit like that, my fear is that they'll know I'm crazy. I imagine sitting there in the examination room, all alone waiting for the doctor to walk in. Except I picture him walking in with a few police officers telling me to remain calm, while they're about to cart my ass off to the psych ward. Why would I think such a thing? (Yeah right!) So you can understand I would never just go unless it was serious. Anyways, this morning..... There I was, getting ready for work and all of a sudden I felt like someone had shot me in my right side. I screamed out, and literally fell on the floor riving in pain. It felt like there was a fire ball that had burst... I could feel hot fluids burning inside me in places I never have. I laid there in agony for at least 10 minutes before I felt like I could even attempt to get up. Every movement no matter how slight hurt like pure hell. I managed to get on my feet, and call a doctor I'd seen last year for alcohol poisoning. "Sure, we can see you, but you have to hurry we're only open a half day on Wednesday." I hop on the interstate, drive for about 3 miles and hit deadlock traffic. I sat there forever waiting for them to clear up a accident, all the while wishing for death from the horrid pain my body was producing. 2 hours after I left my house they called my name, brought me to the back and said, "Sir, we're terribly sorry, but Dr Manning doesn't want to see you." I stood there trying to compute this information. "Tell Dr Manning I really don't want to see him either but I'm in intense pain." She gives off a fake chuckle at my attempt to be humorous. She hands me a letter and says, "We're sorry we mailed you this certified letter months ago but you never picked it up." Believe it or not folks I was in such pain, I just turned around and left with out even saying another word. I get into my car, open the letter, "This letter is to inform you I am withdrawing from any further professional care for you. I recommend that you place yourself under the care of another physician without delay. It's extremely urgent you follow up on this immediately." I've been shunned by society folks. I drove back home, I've been laying in bed for hours. I'm in such pain I can hardly move. I have a fever, and (more than normal) I feel somewhat not right. So to hell with it. I'm ten minutes into vodka, and I'm not stopping until I die or pass the fuck out.
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01/16/01 Life is unfair people, and whether you believe in god or not, there is something out there, something that has control over all this which seems like random bullshit. Christians say when a loved one is taken it's god's will. while those of us that don't believe we look at it, "as much as we can take". Either way it sucks. People we love should be there until we're done with them, but that's not always the case........
Listen, you don't need me to fulfill your dreams, okay? I'm just a dude with a web site, nothing more nothing less. If you met me face to face you'd be shocked that I wasn't locked up somewhere in
a maximum security prison. For the real people out there.... You tend to treat me like I have some un-fore-seen knowledge, but the bottom line is I know how much I fucked up, along with the people around me. With that knowledge I try to share what I've learned for the most part. You're not going to find all your answers here, but at the same time I'm not going to leave you out in the middle of the world all alone. If you're having a problem listen to any Ozzy CD you can get your hands on. If that doesn't help, email me
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The problem is we're fighting the wrong battles. We're fighting battles that are instigated and egged on by those who have a vested interest in keeping us, the common rabble, pissed off at each other so we'll never close ranks and face the common foe. Distraction and diversion, that's what the rich corporate bigwigs of this country (indeed, the world) and their tittie-baby government pawns use
to keep us in check. It's been happening throughout history and it'll keep happening until this country gets the enema it so desperately needs. When that'll happen is anybody's guess.
A good example of diversionary tactics that are being used to stir up emotion and rancor among the mindless masses is the ongoing (and apparently never-ending) debate over the confederate battle flag. I have the dubious distinction of living in a state where the debate rages on as to whether or not the confederate battle flag, or Star and Bars, should continue to be displayed on the state house grounds. This past year the state legislature spent 99% of their time dealing with this bullshit. The NAACP staged a boycott of businesses throughout the state that didn't submit to their views. They managed to divert quite a bit of revenue from the state due to the relocation of conventions, sporting events, and so forth. On the opposing side are the hammerheads who think we're still fighting the fucking Civil War or, as they call it, the War Between the States. The flag was recently removed from the capitol dome, just as the NAACP demanded, and put on a pole behind the confederate war memorial in front of the state house. This, after the legislature spent almost all of their time debating this shit and ignoring other more important issues. Problem solved, right? Wrong. Now the NAACP isn't satisfied with that and they want the fucking thing removed from the grounds altogether. Here we go again.
The point I'm trying to make here is that this horseshit will keep going on until (if ever) enough people wake the fuck up and say enough is enough. The debate will continue, stirring up emotions and causing people from both sides of the issue to hate each other and become more polarized. All the while our schools will still suck, our roads will still suck, we will still pay too fucking much in taxes, and so on. More importantly, everyone will stay so busy arguing with each other about the flag that the cocksuckers in power will sit back for another year raking in their kickbacks and getting richer while the rest of us keep sucking eggs. I'm sure this same sort of scenario plays itself out in every corner of our country in some form or fashion.
I'm not the brightest light bulb of the bunch but I can see what's going on so, goddamnit, why the fuck don't more people realize this? It's shit like this that reaffirms my belief that most people are nothing more than animated skin-suits who would be doing the rest of us a favor if they dropped dead right fucking now. We need a goddamned revolution in this country. Is anybody else as pissed about this as I am? Any thoughts?
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