|
01/08/01
I've been trying to add this gallery for ever but it seemed everytime I got it up and running that everything on my end would fuck up? So there you go. The art even my own mind didn't want you to see? Nah, it was just way too much 151!
Comments: Click Here
Past Updates: Click Here
01/07/01
I took a long look around tonight at FX, and for the first time ever that I can remember I'm happy with the layout, the content, the over all feel here is nice too. I really haven't "surfed" through my site in many months like someone new would, it was decent. There some things I'd like to change, but fuck man, they're way on the back burner at this point. Not that I'd listen to just any ole BS, but if there's something that's pissing you off about FX, or there's something you'd like me to work on, change, or would like to see here, email my ass and I'll see what I can do. Of course no one every emails idea's, I don't even know why I'm wasting my time asking, but there it is for the taking. Bob from The Legend Of Wicked sent me some mail, exclaimed FX "kicks fucking ass" and went on to ask me to hook him up with a link. I went through his site and thought the members area was funny as hell. Nice work. There you go Bob. Zeen from Sp00ned sent a request to trade links too, he didn't say FX kicked ass, but I'm here to tell you his site is very kick ass. Nice layout, cool pics, you can tell he's spent a lot of time working on this. While surfing through his site I couldn't help to notice that he's selling shit with his logo on it. Hmmm, what do you guys think? I've got some pretty weird shit I could put on a mouse pad. I think I'm going to do it. Anyways, thanks Zeen, may we become comrades and ram it straight up the asses of every gore surfer out there. Everyone go over to Sp00ned and say hello FX style. Dude when I had cable TV I loved the Tick!
Comments: Click Here
Past Updates: Click Here
01/06/01
For one brief second I was four years old again, my father has me standing against the kitchen wall and he's throwing knifes at me like they do at the circus. Except my father is blacked out drunk, and these knifes are real. I can still hear him telling me if I cry he'll just go ahead and slit my throat. My eyes pop open to the mayhem I've caused. Oh fuck! Someone from the back of the store makes a run for the door and I pull the trigger blowing the shop keepers head into modern art. His face grossly stretched, peeled back from his neck. The runner trips and falls down. Laying there like she's dead, or like I won't see her. I asked her what her name is before I shot her. Funny, you'd think I'd remember her name but I don't. I stood up, slowly making my way down the isles of the truck stop. No one else to kill. Fuck! I just wanted to buy some fucking gas.
Comments: Click Here
Past Updates: Click Here
I've been down on myself here lately, but all in all my life has been pretty cool. I've done so many cool things, seen so much, and fulfilled most of my dreams. Don't freak on what I write is the point folks. Sure, yeah I want to be dead, but it would take something way worse than anything I've already been through to push me to that point. Fuck, I've still got about two hundred thirty million people to fuck with, that has never heard of Tillman or FX! Will it happen? Probably not. But I'm going to have fun trying!
Like I've explained before, a lot of times I write updates drunk. (Just like right now) I always say what's on my mind drunk or not. Be it good or bad. Some of you out there have said that even though they just see my name tied to mosts posts here it would appear there's several different Tillman's. Well, I guess in some fucked way there is. Not to mention (again) the drunk side of me, I'm also a gemini. I also have severe mood swings. One mintue happy, the next depressed, the next angry, the next paranoid..... So on and so forth. It's endless. I hope this clears up some of the email I've been getting. Lastly I'd just like to say, although I understand FX has helped a few of you out there, keep in mind I am not a role model. If you feel I am, then you're way more fucked than even me.
Comments: Click Here
Past Updates: Click Here
01/05/01
"I swear I'm going to make a change man, I've said that shit all last year but I'm not going to continue down this road of self destruction. The whole world is right outside my front door. The whole fucking world is right there. All I have to do is open that mother fucker up and step through" I can't. I tried for over the last two years and I can't. So much shit has a hold of my ass. I hate it out there and I hate my life. I don't want to change anyways. I'm Tillman and there ain't no fucking way around that fact. I tried again today to forget about who I really am. I sat outside for a few hours, today was the first day the sun has been out in two months right? I sat there on my porch and I couldn't stop thinking about what the neighbors were thinking. I kept feeling them staring at me until I headed back inside. "Out there sucks". Fuck the world!
Comments: Click Here
Past Updates: Click Here
01/04/01
You know how we talked about the poop dudes and how they might be normal dudes when they're not pooping on each other? Well, that theory could be wrong. I found this message board today and I couldn't stop reading the total filth that's there. There's people over there asking for any fucking perversion you can imagine. I mean from wanting someone with aids to fuck them to people looking for a horse to shit on them! I don't know, I guess maybe I'm sick, because I couldn't stop reading, it was like going through some underground dating service for the mentally ill with extreme sexual hang ups. Enjoy!
Today's "Who is Tillman?" .... I want everyone at some point tonight or tomorrow to call 411 and ask them if a straight beats a full house. If the operator you get knows the answer thank them and call again until you reach one who doesn't. When they say they don't know just go ape shit on their ass. Trust me, you'll feel so alive after you hang up that phone. I try to do something stupid every day to piss off a complete stranger, and then just laugh and laugh. Trust me. Do it.
Comments: Click Here
Past Updates: Click Here
Comments: Click Here
Past Updates: Click Here
I've been bitching about how FX isn't your key to happiness lately, and I firmly believed that until someone explained to me in great detail how this crazy fucking circus has helped them. I was truly blown away. They didn't want me to post the email here, so I'll respect their wishes. Basically they were saying that FX helped them become more confident because they see that someone else out there is going through exactly the same shit as they are. It's hard (for me) to explain this here without you knowing what all was said, but I guess the point of me bringing it up is to say I was wrong. FX has helped people in some weird ways. Wow. Who would have ever thought that my web site in all it's craziness has helped someone live a better life? Every time I check my stats I look at the key word searchs and just laugh my ass off. Yeah, I get all the standard hits, sick pics, death, sick shit, gore etc...But fuck it's worth the money and time I put into this site just to see some of the crazy shit people type into a search engine to wind up here. Let's take a look at how a few people found FX yesterday. (God damn I'm started to sound like Mr fucking Rogers here and shit!) After checking those out don't you just have a warm fuzzy feeling inside?
Comments: Click Here
Past Updates: Click Here
01/03/01
I'm sure I've forgot half the shit I miss, but I know I miss being in Impetuous Doom. I miss the band members, the shows, hell even the hours and hours of practice cessions. It's dead now and I died then too, It'll be three years this June since I set foot on a stage, hear people scream for me and mosh their fucking asses off totally into what we were playing. No more being part of any shows, no more production, no more walking around backstage meeting people I've looked up to for years. No more acting gigs. No more free beer. No more (semi) fame, nothing, except this fucking web site. Yup, FX is me in html. What you guys like so much about FX is watching me fall apart. I knew it! I have no one here to talk to, yeah sure I call people all the time, fuck my phone bill hasn't been less than $200 in a single month since I bailed, but it's not the same as kicking back and shooting the shit. I pretend to like people where I'm at now every month or so just so I can get out of this house for a few hours and try to feel normal, something I've never done before. For so long all I ever hoped for was to be alone, there seemed to always be someone around hanging onto my coat tails and now that my wish has come true I sit in the dark and wish for death. I guess all in all I'm not surprised, I've never really been happy before and I don't expect to be ever. I know this sounds so pretentious but at this point in my life when a happy moment creeps in that's half way peaceful I physically feel sick. For those out there that know me, either for real, from chat, emails or whatever, you know it's in me to want to be dead. (Fuck my dot com is Forced eXistence!) I've wanted to be dead for the last 15 years and by me just sitting here typing this you know I would never take my own life. I'm just so fucked up I don't know what to do anymore. I've been sitting here just trying to find myself wondering where my payoff is. All the crazy bullshit of my childhood, all the years nothing ever went right, every stupid fucking thing I've been through and I have absolutely nothing to show for it all except a collection of beer tabs and liquor caps. I know there's no way I'm not the only one that feels this way?
Comments: Click Here
Past Updates: Click Here
01/01/01
It just goes on and on. The kicker is for the most part we're still unhappy. Working jobs we hate just to have the means to buy the car it takes to get back and forth to work. Over 50,000 Americans committed suicide in 1999. All the news that's pumped into our house just talks about and shows in graphic detail how out of control the world really has become. Death and mayhem from every corner of the earth. Cannibal serial killers, disgruntled workers, kids not yet old enough to legally drive a car so angry that they go on a murderous rampage. Different people fighting the same wars started thousands of years ago. All this info just goes in and then right back out, we hardly ever stop to process it because it never ends.
Think about the things in you own life that make you unhappy. Out of milk? The car not starting is a huge fucking tragedy huh? Not happy with the way you look? Your job sucks? It's a long ways from world peace isn't? We have been forced into this type of thinking by the insanity we deal with every day. Someone asked me how could I laugh about the people McDermott killed a few days ago up in Mass, the answer was so simple, I didn't know them, why should I care? This attitude is socially acceptable. Now, let's bring back the dude from 200 years ago, does he pop in here to see how fucked up shit is and head back with a plan to fuck the human race? Or does he take a look at the smile on little Johnny's face on Xmas morning and say there's still some good in the world? What does all this mean? I don't know, I was down loading free music (stealing tunes) at napster and for one brief second I had a moment of clarity.
Here's a few stupid pictures that fits tonights rant really well. All the mayhem and bullshit going on out there and we've got people looking at pictures of some skank-ass cleaning woman shoving shit in her cunt. Welcome to the year 2001!
Today's "Who is Tillman?" .... I'm guessing the "Who is Tillman" post a few days ago about me being single is responsible for all the woman out there asking me for a pic, my stats and all that other weird happy ass shit. Well ladies, although I'm very flattered, and could be bought easily, (Any hot women out there that can get free beer?) there ain't no way in hell I'd "hook up" with someone who came through FX. I know I'm going to get at least 15 emails saying shit like, "I wasn't trying to hook up with your stupid ass Tillman", but I think we all know how shit plays out on the net. Honestly, I have no desire to "talk" to anyone at this point in time. Yeah, I feel lonely quite a bit, some times more than others, but all in all I know that the Tillvis plan for right now is to be single and drunk. I'm always up for friendly chat session though. Email me and we'll sit down and talk about BS.
Comments: Click Here
Past Updates: Click Here
With all the non drinkers out there that got hammered last night, I thought maybe we should explore the wonderful world of hangovers and tips on how to take care of yourself. I personally stopped getting hangovers years ago, either that or I just got use to them. I can drink all night, sleep 3 or 4 hours and still function the next day no problem. I'm sure Seabass feels the same as myself, that spinning, dizzy feeling the morning after, were everything kind looks off center is part of the fun. But it being New Years Day, I thought I would try and help any light weights who stumbled in here. Hangover Remedies is a good place to start, they list many different points of view, varying from night before tips to easy to make home made elixirs. My personal tip is to drink lots of water, then at the stroke of noon have yourself a beer, and then every 30 minutes there after. If you were able to sleep past noon, you win! Skip the water and just start drinking beer. Works every time. Just remember while you're hugging that toilet, if I could be there with you I would. Taking pictures, laughing my ass off, and saying stupid shit like, "Just pretend you're the captain of a huge spaceship, and it's your vomit that is the fuel. Without you the flying butt monkeys will surely take over the world. So heave like you've never heaved before, hold on tight and fly that mother fucker up to the stars." I had such a good time last night. After sitting here spewing out the update, drinking a shit load of rum and beer, I headed out to go to see one of my neighbors. To my shock there was snow everywhere. What does the North American Spotted Tillman do when he's drunk and there's snow on the road?
Comments: Click Here
Past Updates: Click Here
|
This Site Hosted By 
KILLTILL.COM
The Road To Nowhere Leads To MeForcedeXistence © 1997-2002. Everything contained within ForcedeXistence.com & KILLTILL.com is property of KILLTILL® Productions unless other wise stated and may not be reproduced in any way without written permission from KILLTILL® Productions. To reproduce, republish, distribute or publicly perform or display or use of the content for any other purpose, may be considerd violation of international copyright laws.
Many pictures displayed within were obtained through news groups and picture posts, if your shit was stolen, I just hopped on board, but I'm willing to remove the offending file(s) with proof they belong to you. Email becomes property of ForcedeXistence.com and may be posted within to display what type of dipshit you really are.The Wreckage Of My Past Keeps Haunting Me.