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There Is No Fuckin "A" In ForcedeXistence There Is Only Two Types Of People In This World Those That Are Dead And Those That Are Going To Die Fucking Up My Mind So You Don't Have To A Mental Crutch For The Socially Crippled Put It In The Paper You Hear Me Scream As Another One Falls Push Down The Weak And Find A Place I Can't Hiding Like A Bitch I'm On Your Ass Shooting Everything That Moves Never - Ever Doubt Where I Dwell For I Am Waiting For You Here In Hell Regret Is A Wasted Emotion It's Only After We've Lost Everything Are We Able To Do Anything Until You Understand We're All Forced Into This Bullshit Called Life All The Same, Regardless Of Race Or Who You Think You Are You're Useless AcK! I'm Seriously Thinking About Freaking Out Right Now..... But What Good Would It Do? Don't Just SIT There! Be Part Of This Circus Sign The Fucking Message Board I Got A Urgent Collect Call From My Liver But I Didn't Accept The Charges Live For Today Not Tomorrow It's A Road That Never Ends Yeah, Scrolling Text Sucks Huh?

09/14/00

Breath-Savers

Okay, this is sick, I don't even no what to say about this dirty little site. Well, in a word, AcK! I'm seriously thinking about freaking out right now, but what good would it do? I just kept telling myself, "It's not real." But, we all know it is.
If you go to PBOY.com, the people who host ShitFreak's site, you'll read a short explanation as to why their site will be shut down soon, and then you'll see post after post of people wanting to hook up to eat, bathe, give and receive each others poo for some sort of sexual gratification. To me, this is completely amazing. I mean, It takes a hell of a lot for me to just to hug someone, but others are willing to be shit on?
Once my ex-girlfriend was giving me head and when I came in her mouth she puked on my cock. I thought I was going to jail that night, but I know now that there is many people out there that would LIKE that to happen to them. Maybe sex is just like the way people say drugs are, you're always looking for a better high, the next step, or something more intense. I know many people who smoke weed, eat pills, and drink, but they have never shot up. I just don't know how someone goes from "Oh baby I want to make love to you", to "Oh baby, please shit on my face, then pee in my mouth". I've had sex with plenty of women, been in every position my drunk ass body will allow, and even have taken part in two or three three-somes, but not once have I ever wanted a turd to pop out during sex, after sex, or EVER for that matter.
Posted By Tillman Comments: Click Here

Listen Up

I've been to a few sites here and there that fucking suck so much ass that it's a shame these people even know how to plop their shit on the net. What's even worse is when you find them, you sign their cheesy-ass guestbook telling them what a fucking moron they are only to have your post deleted because they would never allow someone to post in their shitty-ass guestbook something they DO NOT want to hear, the truth. I'm this close to making a page dedicated to "WebMasters" (and I use this term loosely) who SUCK!
I have NEVER deleted anything from FX that was a complaint or a put down! I welcome such comments because I know that people see things different than myself. Now, maybe I've been lucky, but most people who come by here don't say shit, they just get what they need from FX and move on. (Which I hate.) But at least I'm not being blown the fuck out of the water with pissed off people.... And! If I was, I would not delete such commentary from my message board, or whatever-the-fuck! Some people just suck, bottom line.
Posted By Tillman Comments: Click Here

09/12/00

Life Is Funny

Part of me wanted to call this update, "Life Fucking Sucks", but after 8 24oz Bud Ice who the fuck cares what bullshit trys to drag you down, right? My life has been pretty much one massive kick in the ass week by week, year after year. I stood up at work today and screamed, "If I cried out to jesus, will he make it better?" No one answered, so I started into a prayer I'm sure you'll never see in the bible. I cried out at the top of my lungs, "Hello, my name is Tillman, and I'm a alcoholic, jesus please fucking kill me now!" And as spun in slow circles waiting for the king of kings to zap me out of existence, it became apparent that I had pissed off a few of the X-tians who sit near me...
I guess unless you're crawling around on the floor, crying, the FX prayer means nothing if you're drunk. I sat back down and smiled all weird at everyone who walked by to see what all the screaming was about, but deep inside of me I was hoping someone would just go ahead and shoot my ass and get it over with. Of course, just like at any crash site, these people just wanted to see a full grown man scream in pain not unlike any freak-show. The last few months have been insane, but they are completely par for the "Tillman Course".
The IRS is fucking with me, I'm being sued by two creditors, my X is flying 1,700 miles to kill me, and I've got court coming up in regards to kickin' some red-necks ass. Same shit, different city, ten years later?!?!? But you know what? Six months, a year from now, I'll look back on this and laugh my ass off about it just like everything else that pops up in my life that appears to beat me down. I'll be so deep into another of life's "Kicks In My Ass" then that none of this would have ever been remembered unless I made it into a update! KILLTILL & FTW!
Posted By Tillman Comments: Click Here

09/11/00

Killers

Searching the net for serial killer information is like typing in "Shit" at yahoo.com! There is so many places to visit, it will completely piss you off! Most times you'll not only wind up on some stupid ass site with no "real" info, but you'll wind up on some kids site talking about the bully of his home room. The best place on the net to find information on killers is (my favorite site) Mayhem.net. If you're still looking for something beyond all the flash and weird-ass music, check out this site. If you think killers should be studied, you should check out SerialKillers.net, a site made by someone who doesn't "dig" killers, yet offers really kick-ass information on the subject.
Another site, that is in no way as good, but worth a look for no other reason than.... Well, you'll see, check out Ode To Serial Killers. If for some reason, you start to feel sorry for these weird-o's, click here to check out people who don't think killers should die when they're caught.
Posted By Tillman Comments: Click Here

09/09/00

Keith Rowland

One of the very first sites I visited on the net was ArtBell.com. After listening to his radio show for about a year, reading several of his books, it was very cool to finally see the web site that boasted over 5 million hits the first 6 months it was online. (Or some crazy shit like that?!) It was apparent from the get go why Art's site was so popular, easy navigation, nice layout, perfect blend of graphics and text, with very interesting content.
Well, just like everything else, it changed. It's a complete hunk of shit now, with broken links, and a piss poor design. I thought I'd drop the WebMaster over there an email voicing my opinions. Yeah, I should have waited until I was sober, but hey, what the fuck right?

On Friday, September 1, 2000 9:44 PM
To Keith@Rowland.net
From Tillman@ForcedeXistence.com
Subject: New Layout

I haven't been to ArtBell.com for atleast 9 months. But I have to tell you, the new lay out sucks. It looks like the work of a 12 year old. Slapped together with some out of date BS page builder. Way to go man, you successfully managed to travel back in time.
Tillman

On Friday, September 7, 2000 11:01 PM
To Tillman@ForcedeXistence.com
From Keith@Rowland.net
Subject: Re:New Layout

Thank You.

On Friday, September 1, 2000 9:57 PM
To Keith@Rowland.net
From Tillman@ForcedeXistence.com
Subject: Dead Links

WOW! 9 broken links out of 18! You've hit the 50% mark! You must be so proud! And to think, someone is paying you to up keep this shit up! I'd have to say I've seen pokemon sites ran better by 12 year olds!

60 Greatest Conspiracies: HTML Kills!
Greatest Conspiracies: Apocalypse Soon?Drudge: Radio Talk
Comet Hale-Bopp
Show Linked to Suicides Comet Hale-Bopp
Higher Source Home Page M
HigherSource.ORG (Warning: The Village Voice: E-Ternity: The Second Coming of Heaven's Gate By Tho
MSNBC: Tragedy strikes a chord on the Net
Eye in the Sky MIDI by Alan Parsons Project Goetz Parody Page) ROR4/29/97
- Letters to Time Magazine on Art Bell...

On Friday, September 7, 2000 11:04 PM
To Tillman@ForcedeXistence.com
From Keith@Rowland.net
Subject: Re:Dead Links

Sorry I only link to them when they were working. I don't run any of those sites and so cannot control whether they work or not. I also do not go back over all our hundreds of links and remove them. I leave the old link, in case someone wants to try and track down a new location for the link. Some sites simply rearrange pages. I do have more important things to do than to clean up old broken links on our older pages. We do not remove material from our site, but it certainly appears that OTHERS do, and cause the broken links in the first place. Maybe you anger should be directed toward those who remove pages and create furstrated users like yourself.
"Only link to them when they were working"... HUH? I just don't get it? He don't have time to remove broken links? No shit they're not links to shit on THEIR site, but what is the god damn point of having a place for someone to click if it ain't going to do nothing but create a god damn 404 File Not Found? It's not his job to make HIS site contain the most up to date information on subjects they devote pages to? If people wanted to "hunt" for shit, why even bother going to ArtBell.com? Keith, I would email you back and try to explain the simple concept of removing dead links, but since you're such a busy guy, I'll just wait. Once you're canned for doing a half-ass job , you'll have all the time in the world to listen to "angry users" like myself.
Posted By Tillman Comments: Click Here

Orgish

Evil Knevil over at Orgish.com requested a link to his site. I hadn't been by there in a month or two, let's just say this dude is certified "Horny For Evil" by FX. The site has jumped leaps and bounds in only a few weeks, and is on the fast track to being one of the sickest sites out there. Nice layout, killer graphics, and tons of cool pictures and movies.
Posted By Tillman Comments: Click Here

09/05/00

BAGG Review

Sometimes in life, something is handed to you that you sit and stare at for hours, absorbing ever ounce of the magic so you can feel, touch, enjoy ever drop deep within your soul. Something so foreign, yet makes complete sense. Something you've explored with your mind everyday and may even believed to be a myth, until it unfolds right in front of you melting you into a creamy pile of contentiousness. We spend our entire life's searching for such things, whether it be spiritual, our relationships, or just to have peace of mind. The bottom line is we all want something to push us over the edge.... (Or maybe take us where we belong?) Something that is somehow part of our meaningless existence, yet is larger than anything we'll ever become. Bagg's Debut CD, Songs From Smokey's Kitchen (The Desecration Of The 19th Seal) is truly magical, and will feed this yearning inside you. Damn! did I say that?
Let me tell you a little about my musical taste.... I'm into heavy as hell, rip out your hair, moshin' your ass off metal, techno metal, death metal, etc. So for me, this whole Bagg experience has been a kick in the ass. Billing themselves as Rock meets Country, you can see why I'm confused! Country music makes me want to run out and buy a John Deer and see how many red necks I can bush-hog, but Bagg has a way of making their "country side" seem just like the way GWAR is able to pull off the "punk thing" while singing songs about eating children.
Being the hard-core metal bastard I am, I had to play some of Bagg's songs to my sick and twisted metal bud's to just see if I was going through some metamorphosis and 97% complete hard core death metal fans agree that "BAGG FUCKING ROCKS!" One of the best testimonials for Bagg would be the night I took a boot leg copy of a few of their songs (sorry guys) to a local rock club and got the head lining band agree to play the CD before they played, and about 6 hours later, while I was stumbling to my car and the band was packing up, the bass player for that band was loading shit into their van singing "When The Lights Came Down"!
I could go on and on about this band, like I said from the begining of this, Bagg bashes through layers of bullshit and hits home with 12 kick ass songs here. If you don't "get" the whole Bagg thing, you're missing out on one of the most original bands to come along in years! I would love for the next CD to be all heavy as hell guitar riffs, screaming vocals, and somehow fitting the sax into more of the songs, but I would have to say that Songs From Smokey's Kitchen could not be more on mark!

Posted By Tillman Comments: Click Here

09/01/00

Holiday Travel

With every fucking body in the world walking around telling you to have a safe weekend, I thought maybe FX should take a look at some holiday weekends gone bad. I considered swiping some pics from a few sites but was amazed to see that there is entire domains set up for nothing but displaying twisted metal!
FirePictures.com has many awesome pictures of car wrecks, planes going down, burning shit too! Yeah! AirDisaster.com provides endless information on what else? Plane crashes! Anyways, if you're heading out this weekend, take a camera, keep your fingers crossed, and hope you come across some death for me to post!
Posted By Tillman Comments: Click Here

08/31/00

Day After Day

I sit here sometimes trying to think of the most fucked up shit to offer you guys, and although my head is full of such thoughts, I re-strain myself from just flipping the fuck out from day to day to try and keep a some what of a normal web site. Now, some of you may have just read that and thought, "Wow, how the hell is this site normal", well kids it could be even more fucked up, but I know who is watching, who comes here checking out shit, and taking notes. So, the smile-E face continues to move, and I tell myself, just another day month after month.
I love shit like this in my inbox. Although Larry seems like a cool dude, I was really disappointed he didn't blow his brains out. (Sorry Larry). A certain FX fan is hopefully working on a suicide page as I post this! We'll see.
Either I'm getting old or I'm learning self control. Check it out. Some drugged out spaz from Cali is living here with me in hick hell, so of course we were friends from the get go. But it would seem that his only true friend is his fix. After me having to get in his face and demand my fucking money exclaim'n "I'll slap you like a bitch" did this little prick pay up! Then he ran and snitched to the owner of the company. The old me would have gone to his house and kicked his shit in, but the new lame Tillman just told his buddy that he needed to tell his friend to chill the fuck out or he would wind up missing. Yeah, Yeah, it's not over and I'm having a really hard time not just kicking his ass, but he's such a fucking loser I'm sure he'll end up just hanging himself, therefore making the ass kicking from me un-work-related. That's right Matt! Your ass will be mine soon enough!
Posted By Tillman Comments: Click Here

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